The day the boxes arrived started out as any other day, really. We had done some school work and chores. We were about to eat lunch when my sister called me. She had received a box in the mail from my mom.
My mom had sent my sister several of her personal things that she had held onto throughout the years. But it also included a half empty bottle of vitamins and a note that said her life would be over on October 20/21. Yes. 20th and or 21st. Of course, my sister alerted my uncle, who my mom lived with, and he drove home to check on her because this day was, in fact, October 20th. She acted a tad odd, but seemed to be mostly fine.
Then, my box came. It was old books talking about forgiveness and some random and old looking kid trinkets. It also had a picture frame of my daughter and my mom. Weird. No card.
Mystified and trying to be “normal”, we took the kids to the skating rink and in walked the exact person the Lord had recently put on my heart and mind. I knew it was a divine meeting. After talking to her, I excused myself and headed outside to walk around the parking lot and attempt to calm my fraying nerves.
I laid down in the grass after walking and breathed deep. The sky was gorgeous that crisp fall afternoon. The wispy clouds were slowly changing shape and the leaves were gently rustling in the wind. I reminded myself that God is good and He made this.
Psalm 68:34-35, “Ascribe power to God, whose majesty is over Israel, and whose power is in the skies. Awesome is God from his sanctuary; the God of Israel-he is the one who gives power and strength to his people. Blessed be God!”
As I sat up, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye and I turned to look at the snake that was about one foot away from me. Anyone who knows me decently well knows that I am terrified of snakes. I calmly got up and walked away. As if. I cussed and ran.
Naturally, this meant I immediately called my sister to tell her that on top of psychological warfare boxes from my mom and a divine appointment, I have now sat next to the Devil, uh… I mean, a snake. My sister and I grew up in Africa. Snakes in Africa are poisonous. As I finish this story, my sister discovered more packages from my mother on her porch. At that moment, I realized it would have been better if she had received a snake at her door instead of boxes from my mom. She also wished she had a snake at her door instead of boxes from Mom.
Psychological warfare. Mom was clearly planning something. Crying for attention. But, how in the world were we supposed to do anything without violating our own boundaries? It was a literal mental battle and agonizing heart struggle trying to figure out what we needed to do to help her or if we even could. Even my therapist was at a loss for advice. My own mental recovery from the trauma of having a sixty year old toddler at my home and dealing with her hoarder house had only just started to be in a place where I could text her without having a panic attack. I loved my mom dearly. But, I have realized that many, many of my memories of her come with insecurity and questions. These boxes and letters were just another example of the instability we experienced with her.
How does one cope with this instability? How do you continue to go on in the confusion and chaos of our world? God is my rock and refuge. He does not change. His love never ends.
Psalm 71:3-5 ESV
[3] Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come; you have given the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress. [4] Rescue me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked, from the grasp of the unjust and cruel man. [5] For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth.
Jesus gave His life willingly for mine when I didn’t deserve it. He is my rock and firm foundation. Jesus is our hope. He wants to be your hope. Will you invite him in?
Luke 22:41-48 ESV
[41] And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, [42] saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” [43] And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. [44] And being in agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground. [45] And when he rose from prayer, he came to the disciples and found them sleeping for sorrow, [46] and he said to them, “Why are you sleeping? Rise and pray that you may not enter into temptation.” [47] While he was still speaking, there came a crowd, and the man called Judas, one of the twelve, was leading them. He drew near to Jesus to kiss him, [48] but Jesus said to him, “Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?
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